I've been unhappy for a long time.
Three years ago my husband was diagnosed with kidney failure. It's a really shock to us, we never expected this and he was young only 31'. It was really a hard time, he dropped out of work, suffered a lot both on physical and mental. I was soooo upset, couldn't understand why such thing happened on us. But still I could exert myself at that time, because I knew he needed me and I had to raise the family and supported him and give him hope, and I wanted to get him cured (kidney transplantation). Half a year later I went to oversea in order to earn more money. I was hesitated, not know if I should go or not, eventually i decided to go, because I also suffered, and longed for a new environment; in addition he also has liver virus C, which broke out and he was taking injection, anyway couldn't get transplantation; and my parents promised to look after him and they did so.
It's absolute dark time for the period staying aboard. It's my first time to work oversea, I got a lot of pressure from work, then after work I didn't have much connection with outside, yet everyday I had to comfort him because he didn't feel good about everything. Gradually I felt tied and exhausted and impatient. I don't want to hear complaints everyday, but I didn't know what to do. we've been together 11 years and married 2 years, I felt I didn't have the right to laugh while he was suffering. I went to a therapist, at that moment it's helpful, someone was listening to me.
one year after i came back to home country. very lucky several months after i returned we're told there's matched kidney for him. we've prepared enough money, and his liver treatment almost ended. he got the transplantation successfully, and we divorced.
But I'm still uphappy. I don't know exactly why. I decided to divorce, because I don't love him anymore and I don't see a happy future together with him. But we've been together so many years, I relied on him so much especially I'm very introvert, he's extrovert and he made my social life easy. Now I feel so lonely, also afraid of being alone. sometimes I have good days then I convince myself to try new things, meet new people. someday 're so bad, like today, I'm so depressed. I'm angry at myself, feel like I'm so stupid and like a fool...