Hi Airy, I'm sorry you are in so much pain. Being alone and in a limbo always sucks, it seems like you need someone who is closer and more supportive to you in this moment.. have you tried to email what you wrote to your therapist? I don't mean everything, but the part about your feelings. Maybe she didn't realize how you are really feeling, It often happens with me too, that my T doesn't realize how much I struggle because I just don't open up. Or if you think it's not the case, would you consider interviewing another couple of Ts just to see how it goes? doesn't mean you have to leave yours now.
Sending you hugs