From what you are saying it sounds like its the lack of the use of the words to you that gets you, and now that you are hearing them you have mentally realized what has happened. from what I am hearing it should be a natural thing to come out I wish you the best of luck with your friends/family and hears hoping that life can be nicer to you. Good luck and have a good day/night for whatever time your reading this. If you wish to talk more you can PM ill try to respond quickly.