Little Jay, you are not alone! Those fears are real. The important thing is to train your brain to think of all the good things in life. Its hard at first. I recommend writing out 3 things that you are grateful for. It sounds simple but for yhe first time it was hard for me. I am grateful for all the times that in a suicidal thought process that I was able to reach out for help. You are doing that already!
What can you use as a distraction? Music, dancing, exercise, talking to people either in person or online or phone, reading, holding something cold. Just to name a few.
That fear of dying has kept me alive and reaching for help. When that panic sets in reach for someone that is calm, do something that will ease the panic. Its hard the first few times but mastery of something takes practice and hard work. Its possible.
If guided meditation is an interest and you have a smartphone, I recommend an app called "Calm". Its helped me a lot and its a free app to just use. Or there is an online version that maybe helpful for you and others.