I have always been a caregiver! It is also my profession. I am always the hugger, rock, comedian. Whatever anyone wants me to be I will conform to make them feel better! I do it with my heart because I enjoy caring for others. People usually look to me for advice or to complain or if they need a boost. My siblings always call me with their problems or when things are not going well. It is starting to wear on me. I feel unlovable because I sometimes need someone to just hold me and tell me things will be ok!! I get so depressed that nobody can tell when I need human kindness! Am I selfish for believing that those close to me should recognize when I'm in pain? I want someone to be strong for me. Am I just feeling sorry for myself??? I am afraid to let on how much I need someone to care. What if they back away? What if I'm not useful to them anymore? I could only make my parents happy when I was useful, helpful, obedient! What if I can't be any of that? I'm just under so much stress right now but I don't know how to reach out. What if the truth is no one really cares? I don't think I could take it. I want to crawl up in a ball and sleep for a few days then maybe I will feel better. Sorry for the rant!But I can't because I have to be happy for the kids and my H! I don't want them to worry or think I'm a burden to them.