Fiona, I'm sorry you are feeling this way and I can relate, have similar feelings that overwhelm at times. I agree that understanding doesn't really change the reality. I have wasted so much energy thinking back on my childhood and finding blame in my parents, but the reality is that none of that changes the present. So, we have to move on and look for some way to improve the present. I've had it with talk therapy because it did nothing to change my cognition. I went to a therapist who was more of a behavior mod type, and I see the benefit in that but find that my brain writhes against the exercise she started me with, "grounding." I suspect I have ADD and my active brain won't settle, when I remember to do the exercise, and I forget to do it all the time! But, the couple of times I was going down the black hole and I remembered to do grounding, it did help.

So, what have you tried so far? Maybe the grounding exercise would work for you? Do some online research about it. When you start having the negative feelings, you are to practice the grounding. You are also supposed to practice it daily. I have remembered to do it a couple of times and do feel it helped pull me out of the rut...Problem is, I forget to do it! I think I will do some practice today and see if I can do better :-)

Wishing you peace, Fiona!