I'm so sorry to hear you've had to go through all that No one should have to!

I have a similar story to yours, and just a couple of weeks ago, I asked my therapist to tell me how I can love myself. She said I just have to decide to do so - and that had I had caregivers as a child, as a baby, who loved themselves unconditionally, I would have identified with that unconditional love and learned that 'I'm wonderful', 'others are wonderful' and that 'life is wonderful'.

I don't know if anyone has ever told you, but I think the first thing you need to know is that none of the abuse, neglect or bullying was your fault. Absolutely zero of it! Those people didn't hurt you because there was something wrong with you - they did it because there was something wrong with them. You never deserved any of it!

I think the flip side of the 'I'm worthless' coin may be expressing your true feelings towards those that hurt you. Finally being able to 'tell them' - 'What you did to me was wrong! I did NOT deserve it.' And I don't mean necessarily confronting them in real life as that may be impossible, or could be harmful to you in case they are abusive still. But you can still work through and release your emotions on your own.

You say you cannot seem to get over feeling worthless. I've felt the same way. I think part of it has been not even wanting to let go as beating myself up means my true self will stay hidden and then no one can hurt her ever again. Part of it has been that I've identified so strongly with this 'version' of myself that if I let go, I wouldn't know who I am! Some of it was due to the fact that, as a child, I couldn't admit my parents were wrong as it would have been too terrifying to live with parents who didn't know what they were doing, so I blamed myself for what they did.. And I think it was partly to please my mother because as long as I felt worthless and lousy, she had someone to fuss over - she seems to need that - had an alcoholic for a father, became codependent, and so on..

I think there are a lot of reasons to actually not let go of feeling worthless as at some point, it more than likely served a purpose. But not anymore. Now, feeling this way can only hurt you and those who love you. You DO deserve to be happy, and you ARE worthy Believe me, you are. It's a lie that you're worthless. Your mind is lying to you. You're not. You never were!