I know that feeling It can be so terrifying.. For a long time, I felt that if I let go of those beliefs, I'd end up falling into a dark hole, into nothingness. But I've discovered that there is a bottom to that hole, and it's not 'nothing' that awaits there. It was me, who I was meant to be, or once was.. I call them 'child parts', parts of myself that were never able to mature beyond a certain point and that I wasn't able to 'own' before as I had no one to talk to about what had been going on in my life and how I felt about it. I feel they're me at different stages of development - the child or teenager-me who's still got questions, questions she didn't dare ask anyone at the time.

It seems like you, too, have a little girl inside you still, wondering about the things her mother did and didn't do, and about those bullies.. Who is this precious girl? How did she feel about those things? If you met her now and she shared with you her story, how would you feel and respond? Is there anything she needs? A hug, maybe, or someone to explain to her why the people in her life behaved the way they did, or perhaps someone to simply hear her out..

I believe you fill the 'void' with this person - by getting to know yourself, who you truly were and are, and by loving that person. And part of loving yourself is accepting and owning your pain and hurt as much as so-called 'positive' emotions, and healing that hurt by staying present and giving yourself what you need. You're worth it