I am truly sorry about your mom being so ill, but it seems very clear that you have a good heart and give heaps even though it's probably at great sacrifice. Still, in my opinion, when your heart is as good as yours sounds, you couldn't do it any other way. Your mom who is going through her own hell is at least fortunate to have you. It sounds, though, that she hasn't been as supportive of you in the past when she had the chance. That's a really tough one. My heart goes out to you. I sure do hope you pull through this and are able one day in the not too distant future to look back; see the hell; and realize with relief that you're no longer there. I also hope that you draw strength from those who are wishing you well, well, well!!