Dancinglady, I am glad that you are interested in your Adult Children's well-being.
I felt/feel the same way and share some similarities with you.

A lot of good info has been provided already, so I will add to them by sharing my some insights I have had in the last two years along these lines.
Forgive yourself first. If you are able to talk to a therapist or clergy person.

I hope you feel better soon, and I wish you well and ease in your heart.

Jade