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alexandra_k said:
in one of the sessions i was able to feel some of the shame that my mother was so good at getting me into. i could feel the shame and i could feel him emotionally holding the shame at the same time. he was there with me. he was there. he could feel it too and he was there with me and he wasn't afraid of it. he wasn't shying away from it or anything. and that made it more manageable. it hurt a lot that the shame was there. but it felt so wonderful that i felt so connected to him. now (sometimes) when i feel the shame in the course of my ruminations i feel him connected to me at the same time and it makes feeling it okay.

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Always hang onto that moment, Alex. I remember the 1st time (not too long ago) that I recognized that my T was there with me. I'm sure he was there with me before, but I guess I wasn't there... so it wasn't a connection. But when it first hit me as a connection, as him being there... wow. And no matter how bad things have gotten since then... moments when I am pissed at him (or days), during the week when I feel disconnected, unable to internalize... I always remember the moments when he was right there with me. And I know I can go back to that. I hope you can too.