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alexandra_k said:

now i'm thinking... that precisely what enables you (or will enable me) to do this... is feeling like he is there with me in the present. because the boundary dissolves. it feels like the past IS the present. but that means i can utilise that dissolving boundary... so that the present (him being there facing the feeling too and being connected with me) IS the past. so... they blend together and its ok.


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That is the connection that I yearn for... but at the present time it just hurts too %#@&#! much when he's not here (obviously, as I just got finished crying so hard I was practically %#@&#! vomiting). seems like the deeper we become connected in session, the more it hurts outside. it seems like you are on a path in which you are taking, at least, little pieces, and applying them on the outside. you are on your way. you will get better.