Okay let's start this with saying I don't remember ever being diagnosed with a disorder before. But my behavior indicates that it might be the case. I know I'm depressed. Taking medicine for that. But there's a whole other list of symptoms.

I get very anxious about issues in life. It could be work, conflict(I hate conflict!), relationships with people. I've had panic attacks when I was in high school without warning, having irrational fears of dying, going to sleep, ect.

I cry a lot. Over arguments, or people getting loud. When I get angry I end up crying as well. Sometimes I can be really really happy, then my mood takes a turn for the worse for no reason.

I have a lot of insecurities. And I've needed constant assurance from other people, telling me that I'm okay, that I'm making the right choices, or just to lift my spirits. I've been a little better about that, now that I live on my own, but the thoughts still persist every now and again that I'm worthless, crazy, ugly, too fat (which logically i know i'm not). I've suffered from an eating disorder before as well has having a history of self harm.

When I get into a relationship with a guy I'm constantly scared he's going to leave me after I fall for him. I get scared when he doesn't message me or call me. I get very depressed if I can't see him after 3 or 4 days. I get upset if I don't feel security on his side of things. And the bad thing is that the guys have always left me. Even when I hid that part of me from them. The worst was when I was engaged after a 3 year relationship and he up and ended the relationship during an episode (he was bipolar II). Logically I know it wasn't my fault, but it didn't make me feel any better.

The guy before that cheated on me. So I guess you can say I have trust issues. I get scared that there's no good guys out there who are willing to commit and support me through thick and thin, who will give a hundred percent like I do. Not expecting perfection, but someone who's willing to man up for me. I love very hard, but I'm also a big handful. I laugh a lot. But I cry a lot too.

I wish I was a stronger person, that I could handle things and myself better. I wish I wasn't crying so much sometimes over nothing. My medicine has helped with that aspect but I still feel all choked up. And I still have negative thoughts. Always expecting the worse. Why do I feel this way?