ok when your head tells you to hurt yourself, you need to get help.
when your head tells you to kill others, you get yourself to the hospital. period.
I'm serious. This is serious. You need skilled intervention and you need it now. There is no shame in seeking help. It is GOOD to take care of yourself in this way to keep yourself and others safe.
I was on a scary med that made me have that feeling to kill others (it is REALLY unlike me to think those thoughts and want to act that way). I put myself immediately in the hospital. Don't mess around with that. If you are afraid you will lose control - you need to be in a controlled environment.
Please get help. You can do this. It is time (past time) to get help.
take care of you.