Hi dancinglady, how old are your kids ? It wasn't clear to me. Would you say they are mature enough to understand your issues ?

I'll tell you what has worked wonders for me in my relationship with my parents. Just a good ol' candid conversation, heart to heart. My parents have been very good about being open and honest with me.

If they are mature enough and can handle it, just sit your boys down, and calmly explain what has happened over the years, and how that has affected your parenting abilities. Explain it in terms they can understand, given their maturity, IQ, and knowledge of your particular issues. If they are able to see the underlying fundamental issue, forgiving you will be easier, and they will be able to move on with their lives and forget the past much easier.

This sounds so cliche, and perhaps you've already tried it ? But, I really think that this is the best way to mitigate what has happened in the past and its effect on your boys' lives.

Another way might be to first get an opinion from your shrink/therapist ? Ask him the same questions you've asked us ?

Hope this helps.