I really was - no SI-ing for quite awhile. A lot of urges and thoughts, and tonight I just gave up, found my knife and put a ton of marks on my upper arm and wrist.

It's too much stress lately, too much to deal with between home and work. Plus Wednesday I go back and see my former T, the one who simply walked away from me 6 months ago because of a "clinic policy" about me missing an appt.

I've spent the last three days with stomach cramps and today I lost whatever I ate, top and bottom..........I feel horrible. So I figured, what the h*ll, why not.

I forgot how it feels, the rush of doing it. I have a distinct feeling that quitting this time around will be much more difficult - when I decide I don't need it again.



Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
Dorothy Bernard