I have struggled with such feelings since I was a child, I think it really became most noticable at the age of 10, by then I had it pretty ingrained in my mind I was different from others and thus deserving of ostracism and bullying....Also family life had some issues, my parents didn't abuse me or my siblings but they did not really get along too well, finally got divorced so plenty of family drama and even relatives on both mom and dads side are rather dysfunctional I guess so of course drama and growing up observing perhaps ineffective/unhealthy ways of going about things. I sort of downplayed how miserable I was at school cause I figured didn't want to add to family drama/problems by mentioning it.

But yeah even now I tend to feel worthless, I do have some people I'd consider close...but much of the time I worry they're just trying to be nice, don't actually like me at all or that I am on the verge of them kicking me out of their life(even if we haven't even had an argument/conflict recently). Also I just end up feeling like I am no good to anyone...even when people say differently.

Sometimes it really does overwhelm me, makes it hard not to contemplate suicide at times...but that is not the only reason, I know persistent feelings of worthlessness I feel though do contribute to such contemplation's. Just seems like no matter how much I know objectively I am not actually worthless the feeling never entirely goes away.