I do have a connection with my T, but I have a hard time trusting my T and often lose the connection. It's due to my past in general, not just past Ts. I have seen my current T for a little over a year and she has never done anything to prove she's untrustworthy. But still, I constantly have doubts. My T also has her own private practice. She told me she loves living in our city/county and isn't planning on retiring for a long time. But I still worry.

My T and I just have to keep revisiting the issue as many times as it comes up. She calls me out when I'm pushing her away, but she also provides reassurance even if she has to repeat herself.

I can say though, it gets a little easier. My trust in her lasts longer than it used to, and I have been able to disclose more details. It's not easy. For me at least, I have to keep trying. I don't have any other option.