Some of us never take advice
until its out of sight...
give up without a fight

but I fear
I HAVE NOTHING TO GIVE
but I have SO MUCH to lose
here in my lonely world

In so much pain, I know I deserve. Those I destroy are always with me. My self harm, not just to self, to those who watch me slowly take me life. This is who I am, a person who puts on a mask, that will never break. They will all wonder why? What did happen under this mask. My lies I tell when caught. How clumsy I am and opps how I trip on things not even there. What else do you say when the room wants to stop. When your body cant stand. True and complete fatigue. No, not this liar. Its all okay in this empty heart of mine. So when they all awake, yet another sleepless night; mom is okay cause she has on her smiling mask. Mom is okay, she is just clumsy. Mom is okay, she is just not hungry. Mom is okay, cause we want her to be. So here goes my face that I have worked so hard to perfect, I am okay because my kids say I am. No fear, no control, no destiny, its just me. I am dying, does anyone see? I am killing myself with this enemy I fear. I HATE YOU, I HATE THIS FOOD. STAY AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE. This is my death, dont you see? It is killing me slowly, this fear, this monster inside. Slowly..............but surely...................... (how pathetic and wasteful of a life)

its just me....