It's so hard for me to break up. I know it is better to do it sooner than later.

Last night, again we had argue on the phone. We talk about vacations and holidays and he makes it so ugly. He uses his kids to make me feel guilty.

I was telling him that days that we took off and we don't have his kids, we can do something together. But he wants to spend that day with his friends playing golf.
Then he got mad at me telling me all sorts of things and since he's living with his noisy mother (he lives at his mother!). She starts giving him direction and getting into our argue. He shout at her that it's not related to you mom! I hung up on him.
I don't like this. I'm an adult. My mom never gets into my relationships. I live by myself and he lives with his mother at the age of 45!
I felt like a teenager. When I was a teen, my boyfriend's mother was doing that.
Then he told me if he goes vacation with me and his kids, I have just to follow them and not say anything. Basically, I have to bend over to every single demands they have. He said, I have no rights even to say what food I like to eat. He will ask his kids first and he will decide!
This is the same guy that kept telling me it's in bible that parents are first (the man and a woman relationship is first) and then kids. because if we (me and him) are not happy, then we can't provide to kids.
I've been so good to his kids. I never done anything bad to them. I even provided them the room and home that both their parents can't provide them.

I feel my heart is broken, but I'm trying to put them back together.

I'm not even angry. I just want to move and hopefully, I find that special man in my life who doesn't humiliate me like this.

Then in the morning, he texted me "sorry for giving you so much stress".

Tonight, he goes to a concert without me. The reason is that the guy who invited him doesn't believe in divorce and consider it as sin. Therefore, he didn't tell him that he's separated and has a girlfriend. Then I have to be out again. For somebody's belief!

Please wish me to be strong again.

Two years....I feel I aged! I was so happy when I met him. He fall in love with me because I was laughing. But he managed to make me old and sad and depressed.

I think this is the time to move to another city again. Oh God, give me strength.

with love
M.