I am having T/A educational sessions along with T/A weekley and Psychotherpay - I kind of started with Private psychotherpay firstand then got offered shrt term T/A on the NHS. anyhow to th problem

In the educational sessions there is a bloke who runs it say J. i have known him for the past 4 years in one way or another he runs a self harm service in my area. J has always made referances to his wife / family so logically i knew he was married, but i was them together and i felt so anbandonned, so angry towards them both, i carried on but it left me feeling so devitated. I mentioned this in group thertpay the woman who runs it said she could understand how i felt but this didnt make it any easier so the next time i saw J i told him how i felt, about the abandoment and how could he be married and still hold a place for me that i was angry with him althrough he works in the feild of ( PD'S) he didnt know what to say i caught him of gaurd he said he had no idea then followed silenece it wasnt nmade better i didnt get anymore understanding on it he said he needed more time to think , i dont see him for another 4 weeks, think is i thought i could cope with this but i feel awful i wish i could of taken back what i said

i selfharmed on thurs i dont know whether it was about that ( im not saying it was his fault / that he made me do it) because of the way i feel about it i not sure whether i am punishing myself for feeling this way for being stupid i know i want to do it again so i can hurt

I feel so confused i dont know what to do or how to make this better, i have contact with both T'S this week but dont see J for a while.