I've noticed my presence in my relationship directly relates to my own self-esteem and current state (depression, on a high/low, emotional). It is possible that you are growing "tired of him" and not enjoying the relationship due to other factors... perhaps you jumped into this too soon after re-establishing contact? (I'm just asking questions, but certainly am not assuming you have, so I hope it comes across this way). Maybe it's just taking time for you to adjust to the relationship?

That being said, it's possible that you're feeling conflicted.. part of you wants to be with him and have that level of committment, while the rest of you is expecting him to leave you (abandonment issues are common for bpd) and you're trying to spare yourself the pain by pushing away?? How long have you been together? Do you think your relationship has changed? I know I've struggled with a partner that sometimes takes me for granted (no one is perfect, and I know I do the same), and it makes it difficult to discern what is the mental illness, and what is a normal reaction to an unhappy situation.

If you'd like to chat more, I'm also happy to private chat. Wishing you all the best.