I could have written that post.. I completely understand how hurtful it is to actually hate yourself. To think you deserve death over life, and that everyone must clearly know this and also hate you. It is good that you know this is not true on some level (that's why you're admitting it here), and that's a very important first step. I would definitely recommend seeing a Dr and following up with self-help books on self-esteem and dealing with depression/personality disorders. I highly suggest any books on DBT.

Please feel free to message me about other ways to deal with poor self-image. Hoping you're doing well.