Sounds similar in a lot of way. Though I tend to push people away instead, for their own good, so they don't have to deal with my empty uselessness and carelessness, i.e. non-existence. It'd be nice if there could be an easy solution to get back to life. So far, only spontaneous actions ("on the spur of the moment" kinda stuff) seem to be the only distractions from such hell to me. When I'm willing to do something without wanting to do it...But they are just very short distractions, and they go away way too soon, so the same 'broken' status remains in the end. Can't find the solution to this one.