Hi and welcome!

I sued to feel like you and at one point, while we worked together, I would follow him to the toilets and check if anyone was meeting him in there. I even entered the mens toilets and checked under the door for more than one set of feet!!! I was intensely jealous and obsessed with him cheating on me. This caused a lot of trouble for us both and a lot of pain.

During one of my episodes he asked me what good was coming from all my worrying...he said if he was the type of person to do it he would of despite my worries and accusations. And he asked me how would I feel to know 100% he hasn't cheated on me and have gone through all the mental torment. I slowly learned it was out of my control...there was no amount of jealousy or fear or obsessing I could do that would prevent him from doing so...I slowly (over years) understood without proof I would have to trust him, not just for me, but for his sanity too. I told myself I would just deal with it if it ever happened for real. This was also down to my very low self wroth and I guess I felt bad enough that he would want to cheat on me. As my self worth has improved so did my obsession with him cheating.

I hope you find peace, I know how soul destroying it can be.