I firsted attempted suicide at 14, so must have been depressed a while before that. I'm nearly 20 and I've never gone longer than a couple of months of feeling OK before it's come back again. My doc has said to me I could need antidepressants for the rest of my life as I can't seem to cope without them, so I guess that was his way of trying to get me to accept that it may be sticking around. I just try and deal with it as best as possible, to do lists help me try and get stuff done, I am lucky to have a boyfriend whose been extremely supportive and kicks my butt into action when I need it. I think Iv'e just accepted that I'm living for those few moments of real happiness, and that I just have to accept that while faces are around me smiling that I just won't feel the same.