I finally came to the conclusion that what other people were telling me was so often wrong that my own evaluation of the situation, and of myself, was at least as good as anyone else's, and I might as well go with my conclusions as with anyone's! And I can change my conclusions over time, if I need to.

There is a technique of mindfulness that you use to examine yourself and your thoughts and memories, however painful and frightening that they are, without self-condemnation, without trying to avoid the pain (as much as you can do that, and it takes a lot of practice). I have found that more useful than just about anything else I have ever tried. Just try to look at everything and try to understand what it means, without condemning it, or yourself. (Others did a very good job of that.) Try to examine everything scientifically, as an interesting puzzle. I find it very rewarding, partly because it really does help make sense of things, and I find myself getting better at it, with practice.

I have not attained perfection yet, though...