Well guys, I think this is finally it. There is no reason to want to go forward anymore for me (sorry Kris, I know you love me, don't feel bad babe, you were the best thing that has happened in my life in the last 3 years).

I have finally been emotionally stripped bare. Stripped of my heart and soul. I can't explain how and why or what. It's just a feeling I've got/haven't got. I can't want or desire anything anymore. Note what I say - I CAN'T want or desire things anymore.

How do you carry on when all the reasons are gone? When nothing matters anymore?

I no longer desire anything - no family of my own, no home of my own, no wife, no children, no car, no job, basically, no life. These things have no appeal to me whatsoever. It is impossible for me to do anything anymore.

Everything feels like a huge chore, and I mean everything. It's so huge I just leave it all together now. I just can't anymore, I don't have the strength. Why can't it all just come to an end already? What's the point of me having to stay? I've got nothing to do anymore.

I'm too tired to search for reasons anymore. I can't live for someone else's reasons either. You can't fool life, it catches you out. It says "Hey, that's not your reason for living! Uh-Uh, go find yours." Well, I'm all out of reasons.

I am pointless and aimless.

I have written down necessary things on paper. I have left ideas hopefully to inspire others who have the drive and joie de vivre. I can't pursue them, I have no desire to fulfil them at all.