Hence my user name. I have just noticed lately that my family never comes to visit anymore. Including the grandchildren. The older ones, 9 and 13 seem to want absolutely nothing to do with me. This is based on recent happenings, not just in my head. My son was invited to come visit today, his wife went out of town. When I never heard from him, I called and he was out eating dinner with his son.

How I would have loved to have a break from the holiday worries and gone out for dinner with him. I would have paid my way. Needless to say, I am not handling my loneliness well today at all. I keep crying all the time. Everything seems cold, isolating and lifeless. Dull and lifeless. He promised to call me later. When I called him just now, I made an effort to not sound down and depressed. It was all fake.

My posts sound so melodramatic. Poor, poor me. I should right dark novellas. Edgar Allen Poe write from a place of misery, maybe I should. Write out all my demented thoughts. No I won't do that I'm sure, it could turn into something worthwhile or productive. That doesn't sound like me at all!