It has been many years since I've had a close friend. I'm 25 and since about 17 I have struggled to recover from depression and the isolated state my life has been stuck in. I'm making it through full work days now (barely 6 months in though and it's still been very difficult). Though I try speaking with co-workers and sharing some, it seems hopeless I'll be able to connect for a true friendship with anyone, at work or otherwise.

I come home asking why bother continuing to make my place here in this world when all around it seems I just don't belong. To have someone to share my art with or share ideas with feels so far away, maybe only in my past and not to be hoped for in the future for everything I've lost. Distracting my thoughts only goes so far before wanting to self-injure. It is very difficult for me to sit with such constant loneliness. Sometimes I'm awake at night wondering when it will pass.

Can anyone relate? Or should I try to accept things may never change? However long my life maybe, I'm not sure I could bear to watch that unfold.