"I never had a mother figure and maybe that's important to tell"

I think it is very important. Growing up, you missed having a mother. Now, you are in a job where you work very closely with an older woman for a brief period. You "bond" with her. You get approval. You drop your guard. Then she is gone.

Every time this happens, you get to re-experience the grief and trauma of your childhood.

In your mind you know that these women will leave. That is the nature of your work.

But, your heart interprets it as rejection and abandonment.

You say you have a history of emotional abuse and getting no attention, so when these women come into your life it must feel very,very good.

But when they go it hurts so very badly. I am so sorry that you are stuck on this roller coaster. It must be exhausting.

Are there things in your life that can change? Can you get another job where instead of working with one person, you work with several people? That would lessen the pain when one person leaves.

Are there therapy options where you live? Can you get out and exercise? Are there places that you could volunteer?

It has been my experience that the best therapy for being rejected is to get out amongst other people. Nothing is more toxic than isolating yourself when you feel rejected.