I don't anymore. We lived (my brothers and I) all together as a family up until he got remarried.
After my mom died (honestly IMO after any immediate family member passes) we drew closer together. So my brothers and I and my father all became very close after. When he decided to remarry he gave up on the house that we grew up in to move in with his wife. My older brother found a wife and moved in with her after they married and my younger brother and I had to look for a place to live. I was trying to go back to school at the time and had made decisions in my life based on the fact that I thought I wouldn't have to pay rent or an electricity bill for a while. I took advantage of that situation and I guess I ended up paying for it.
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Originally Posted by eskielover
Why do you have a problem with your Dad finding someone & getting married. IMO, it proves that he had a good marriage to your mom or he wouldn't allow himself to have feelings for a new wife. Trusting that this marriage will make him as happy as his previous marriage.
Men also like to have someone there to take care of their home & make it less lonely.....where many times women are more independent after the loss or divorce from a husband...especially if they felt the marriage wasn't the greatest.
Radical acceptance is a DBT term.....it basically means that your Dad is remarried....you may not like it or the woman he married, but there isn't anything you can change about it....it is what it is.....so why make yourself miserable...because you are only making YOU miserable & accepting it without judging it good or bad is what you need to do.
What good is making yourself miserable doing for you?.....what are you getting out of the feeling.....hoping that it will make your Dad feel miserable for doing what he did.....its done.....he wouldn't have gotten remarried if he didn't believe that it was the right thing to do & that THEY were going to be happily married.
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Now imagine hearing all your life from your parents that you have to do marriage the "right" way. You meet, you date for a year or longer, you're engaged for a year or longer and then you get married.
Apparently my fathers instructions were always do as I say, not as I do cause that went out the window when he went from dating to being engaged in 1 week, and then married 2 months later.
Like I said before this is the short version of the story and he did a lot of things that hurt me in the process of him deciding to get married. He completely became a different man and father during that time. I don't have a problem with the women he married. She'll never be a mom to me. But that's okay because I already had one.
You sound just like all my family members during that time that he got married. "Oh just be happy for him, he deserves it". And he did deserve to be happy.
He still does. I never said that he didn't.
Nobody can possibly truly understand how I felt during that time, because everyone handles these types of situations differently. I feel like he took advantage of the fact that he thought I would forgive him easily and quickly because I'm his daughter and that's what's I've always done. But in the year and a half that I've been seeing my T and talking with her about it I do realize that firstly ME FEELING WERE VALID during that time and THEY STILL ARE. Yes, the second part of that is are they effective? No they aren't because I'm causing my own suffering, and I get that. Now realizing that and then trying to make myself feel that way are two different things. I'm working on it. But it's not as easy as you're making it out to be,