Let me use a couple of examples from my life. My dad is an alcoholic. I grew up in an alcoholic home and became an alcoholic myself. I am a so called ACOA and an alcoholic. I adopted certain roles and behaviors as a survival mechanism and a young kid that didn't serve me well as an adult. When I got clean and sober at age 32 and started working on this stuff in AA, Alanon, and therapy, I found out I had a lot of anger and hurt at my dad and my mom. My mom is a saint but her behaviors effected me, not in a good way, at that time. For a time is was easy to blame them and focus all my anger at them for how my life had turned out. It was pointed out to me and I learned that playing the victim role and focusing my anger at them was not doing me any good. I decided to take blame and fault totally out of the equation and to focus on responsibility. These were the cards life dealt me no matter how it came about and I was responsible for my life, my thoughts, my feelings, and my actions. I still had feelings and those feelings were valid. But getting rid of blame, fault, and victim freed up a ton of energy to focus on owning my feelings and processing them and moving on. It is what it is and it is my job to deal with it.

I have suffered from severe depression since I was 13 and I am now 50. When I got diagnosed and started getting treated for it which was a short time before i got sober I would go through periods of why me? why do I have to have depression too? Poor me. Life isn't fair. Well life isn't fair and the fact is I suffer from severe depression. Playing the victim even if I truly am a victim doesn't do me one wit of good. I suffer from severe depression and that is just how it is. Facing and accepting that fact doesn't mean the depression goes away. It frees up a lot of energy for me to do something about it. When I am the why me? victim I am stuck. Taking ownership and responsibility for the way things are lets me deal with them much better. I have more energy to focus on getting better. If it doesn't get better I can manage it better. I am much more content having accepted the way things are. Acceptance is often a very powerful solution. Acceptance, non judgement, and forgiveness.

My favorite prayer is the serenity prayer.

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference."

Very powerful and keeps me focused on the right things in the right direction. It doesn't mean I don't have feelings about what I can't change but those feelings are my responsibility. They are valid but they are mine and how I am reacting to a situation and not the fault of the situation. That is how I view radical acceptance.

I am very sorry your Mom died and I am sure it caused huge distress in your family and I am sure you are still grieving. That is something you had not control over but you can choose how to grieve. You could get a bottle of wine every night and drown your sorrows, or rage at everyone around you, or grieve in a healthy way which it sounds like you are doing. Your dad may or may not have made a wise decision or maybe he didn't handle things well. That was his response and he is responsible for it.