Wow!! I can totally relate to your frustrations and some of your experiences. I have been seeing a specific PTSD therapist for 6 months now and although it is very slow going it is getting better.

A few thoughts:

Donna Jackson Nakazawa's book "the last best cure" is a great read that includes some excellent information. Her next book will be coming out soon and i predict will be the handbook for all suffering with cptsd.

EMDR by Francine Shapiro explains about a trauma processing technique that helps victims reprocess traumatic memories in such a way that that cease being in the way of a person getting better - which is the issue with PTSD: it won't get better unless it is dealt with.

Having a quality PTSD therapist is essential. I have been having some success with EMDR, we were able to reprocess several traumas from my childhood so that they no longer flashback. When I remember them, it is not re-living them and the inappropriate emotions tagged to some of these things (it was my fault, I am dirty, I am not worthy of love, I am bad) have evolved into more realistic perspective- " it wasn't my fault, I was 4 and my parents should have gotten me medical treatment". I don't need to feel endlessly bad anymore for that memory.

Like you, I was really angry when I got the diagnosis and started reading about PTSD and thought about how much money and time I have lost being treated for depression/anxiety/sleep issues for 30 F#€<•ing years!!! No I find out that even my belly fat is probably related to the cptsd. [emoji35]

My inability to get a restful night sleep probably also stems from a life long issue of safety. If a parent hurts you or neglects you when you need them- you young life isn't safe. My brain is stuck in fight or flight so deep sleeping would make me vulnerable to attack so it doesn't go there. I had a sleep study in 1987, they said depression - if it was reviewed now by someone who was trained in PTSD- it would be flagged.

Many mental health providers aren't up to date on what PTSD outside of the military is, the signs, the seriousness, or the specialized treatment required. I was very lucky that my current Psychiatrist flagged it after 6 months of non responding and worsening symptoms (my brain shut down processing and my speaking was affected) post recent work place bullying/firing trauma. Also, luckily he was secure enough professionally to know that he wasn't qualified to treat PTSD. This probably saved my life.

Unfortunately, when I called my mental health insurance provider for a referral and told them that I needed someone specifically trained and experienced in PTSD because that was my diagnosis- the intake worker said "so you would like to talk to someone about that?" I wanted to scream at her!!! No, I want to be HEALED from that. The names that I got were a few social workers who had maybe a seminar and little experience. But for me, I was through with losing any more of my life- so I found the right person and am paying out of pocket. It is expensive but I am using my savings - I am no longer suicidal so that is priceless to me and my children. If I had taken my life, it would have left scars on my whole family. At the time, I couldn't see that, but now it keeps me motivated to keep working.

Overall, I wanted to tell you that I am sorry that you have had all of this- the trauma, the bad medical direction, the PTSD, all of it. But I would encourage you to take the energy you have a focus it on getting yourself better not seething on the things you can't change - on to the future!!