Well, I am tired today tbh. I went out Christmas shopping with my husband yesterday and it was so crowded everywhere we went and it did trigger the PTSD symptoms in me. He wanted to get me some new sneakers and had me try some on so he could buy me a pair, actually the ones I have been wearing are in really bad shape. The thought of spending the money was making me sick, worse that it was on me too. I felt like crying and I don't know why I did not want him to spend money on me. Well, I knew he was going to put it on his credit card and we are struggling right now. I don't want to think about that and the last thing I needed was to think about credit cards because of how my own credit cards are still basically maxed out because of the bills created by my neighbor. I just don't want to think about that anymore, it's been such a prison for me for so long now. I used to save every year for Christmas shopping and I had always had a good credit card rating too. Now my life is PTSD, paying on this debt, and trying to work even through the PTSD has been so bad and I don't work as much as I used to work. I have been in debt in so many ways that I don't shop or buy anything really, but just do my best to keep paying on the debt, a debt that is a reminder of something I really wish I could just "forget" tbh.