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Old Dec 21, 2014, 07:30 PM
Anonymous100205
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunatic Fringe View Post
How's my family here at pc? Myself, I went to a 6 hour family Christmas get together today. I stepped out on three different occasions to keep anyone from seeing me spiraling, rapid cycling, or whatever term you prefer to call it. Until now, that hsd only happened at places of employment, but never around family. I watched my cousins as they had their children to tend to, and I just missed so much when we were all young and played together with our innocent minds. Now their lives are filled with love, and I am filled with so much emptiness, because I ignored my mental health and my desire to have a life, just so I could try to be stable and keep menial, low paying jobs because hey, it was better than no income.

As I see that I am in the midst of fighting some dark demons that have entered the back of my mind, I would like to take this opportunity to say Merry Christmas to everyone who reads this.

As I started my treatment a little over a year ago, I had a good outlook and hoped for a quick turnaround. I still do. After today, I still have a positive outlook, but not for it being quick. I had to hide from 3 crying spells. I am a man. I was raised to not cry, and certainly to not cry around other people. I know my brothers, aunt, and one cousin saw me crying as I stood in my long deceased and unoccupied grandparents house. I still miss them so much.

Life just ain't worth living anymore for me, and it has been this way for a very long time.
I'm sorry ur struggling so much. Hang in there and I suggest looking into a med adjustment.

Ps. Love that song.