This might not come across very nicely, so I apologize, but do your children blame you or see that you made mistakes? I'm not a parent, but I know my mother expresses immense guilt that she had no idea how much I was 'suffering' as a child and how she wishes she could have done things differently. I tell her that I was a kid and how was I suppose to know that the things I was doing, feeling, experiencing and thinking weren't normal. The guilt that she has now is completely misguided because as a kid...I didn't know any different...my screwed up mind was perfectly OK because that was all I knew. Looking back at my childhood, I can see how things weren't right, but back then...it was fine.

So...with your kids...do they know that you 'did wrong' by them? Is this just you wishing things could have been different? If they are happy and if you have a good relationship with them, why tear down what you have and tell them that the path you all took to get there was really bad and should have been better. Give yourself credit for doing the best that you could at each moment. At this time, give them the best you have and offer the chance to not correct your 'bad parenting mistakes', but more of a way to continue to grow because you love them and are able to now offer them more then what you could before.

I guess...I'm clumsy at this...don't help them to make up for what you didn't do. Help them continue being great because you can help them right now and in the future be even better then they are, if they want it. Parents want the best for their kids but what exactly that is, tends to be highly skewed. I just want unconditional love and emotional support. My parents want me to have the world. What do your kids really want. Find that answer and figure how to make their needs come true. DBT coping skills might help them achieve those desires or maybe not.