Quote:
Originally Posted by Anxious Minds
We all yearn to feel what we are supposed to feel over the holidays...
|
I feel you, I really do. It's a toxic cocktail of envy and jealously. It can be contradictory as well - you want to be happy, yet there can be a tendency to cling to the depression. I want to be happy and yet I want to be sad, miserable and mopey. I can go out with friends and be cheerful for a few hours, but I can always see the Black Dog out the corner of my eye. The moment something good happens, I rush to dampen the emotion least I remain heartbroken when the familiar blackness washes over, reminding me that hope is an illusion. Are you afraid to let yourself be happy sometimes? Am I the only one who feels that happiness is temporary and stamps it out with vigor?..
Quote:
But what if you embraced the darkness? What if you allowed it to wash over you and instead of fighting it, you merely let it happen. What if you let go of your expectations and instead reveled in the one emotion that you know you can feel more powerfully than anyone else?
This depression is a part of you. The more you try to rid yourself of it, the more it clings to you. Let yourself feel that sadness when it comes over you. Give yourself permission to grieve for that which you never had and in that grief you will learn many truths about yourself.
|
I might try that next time I descend into the pit, however in my case, the gloom is haunted with rage. Afraid I might burst if I give in without repressing it. If it was just sadness, I'd gladly collapse in a dark pit by myself and stare into the oblivion of my mind. But there are too many people around if I were to let my anger take over.. screaming, yelling, smashing, slamming. I'm a simmering cauldron. I'd honestly rather be in a black hole than an inferno.