Quote:
Originally Posted by kray_bray_may
I feel you, I really do. It's a toxic cocktail of envy and jealously. It can be contradictory as well - you want to be happy, yet there can be a tendency to cling to the depression. I want to be happy and yet I want to be sad, miserable and mopey. I can go out with friends and be cheerful for a few hours, but I can always see the Black Dog out the corner of my eye. The moment something good happens, I rush to dampen the emotion least I remain heartbroken when the familiar blackness washes over, reminding me that hope is an illusion. Are you afraid to let yourself be happy sometimes? Am I the only one who feels that happiness is temporary and stamps it out with vigor?..
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Well, most emotions are temporary (even sadness). But I get what you mean.
Sometimes it's easier to live with a dull ache of sadness than it is to live with a high flying feeling of happiness that gets crushed by depression. It's that roller coaster of emotion that can be the hardest on us, so if we temper our lives a little bit we can control that up and down by actually keeping ourselves in a perpetual dull ache rather than know the extreme sadness that accompanies our coming down from happiness.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kray_bray_may
I might try that next time I descend into the pit, however in my case, the gloom is haunted with rage. Afraid I might burst if I give in without repressing it. If it was just sadness, I'd gladly collapse in a dark pit by myself and stare into the oblivion of my mind. But there are too many people around if I were to let my anger take over.. screaming, yelling, smashing, slamming. I'm a simmering cauldron. I'd honestly rather be in a black hole than an inferno.
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Where does the anger come from?
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