I was diagonosed with BP about 15 years go wehn I was in my late 20s. When I was 14 or so I had been diagonosed with depression and then "atypical depression" and before that from the time I was 6 or 7 years old there was big conflict of what's going on and why does bunnifoo act this way.

So at first I had a hard time accepting that BP was the right diagnosis and I didn't wan to put any work into my health because what if that doesn't work.

Then I figured out I could try and maybe get my life back or keep being miserable.

At this point, it's so ingrained as to who I am I don't know what I'd be without it. I literally don't remember a time when I wasn't dealing with some symptom or aspect or challenge from anxiety and bipolar disorder. And I dealt with a lot of feelings of shame and also comparing myself to others. I don't have a college degree, other people with BP "worse" than mine do that. So what's wrong with me.

So now I'm at the "f*** it" stage of my life (sorry for the language). I'm working on improving my life so I'm happy, I'm working on not comparing myself to others and I'm also working on not being ashamed and embarassed about having mental illness(es).

Last night at work some coworkers and I were joking around I don't remember the joke made but it referenced medication and out popped "Lithium and Klonopin." Just reflex more than anything. And it made someone uncomfortable but I explained, I was making a joke about my illness, like our co worker who has a chronic condition he always jokes about.

That's my level of acceptance. This is part of who I am and it's not something I'm goign to be ashamed about. I know there's a stigma about mental illness and people have ideas and notions and not everyone can be open or feels comfortable talkign about it. But I am and so that's part of my acceptance and dealing with it.

I feel like I lost a lot of my life and a lot of opporunities because of this life so this is how I try to feel like my life isn't wasted.