Hey Turtle, this is gonna sound heartless and emotionless and cold, but I want to say it anyway bcoz I think it adds some value.

I think we all have an infinite number of things we can choose to be angry about, from our pasts. And that anger is justified. However, I think the smart thing to do about it is to:

1 - Understand the possible reasons why those events took place - Our parents may not have known any better, than to hit us or make us cry... their parents may have done the same, or worse, to them ! Our parents may have had their own mental issues and stressors to deal with, perhaps far worse than our own.

2 - Not take those hurts personally - If it wasn't you, maybe it was your brother or sister. If you were an only child, it could have been any child in your place who would have received the same treatment, because your father might have been just the same person, with the same issues, regardless of who his child was.

3 - Gain understanding, compassion, empathy, and strength from the past - Understand, that perhaps, what happened, could not have been prevented (certainly not by you). It possibly happened because of unfortunate circumstances (like your parents being overly stressed or otherwise having their own issues). Try to develop a compassion for them, because, let's face it - their lives weren't perfect either, and they didn't know about the future consequences of their actions - BPD, (I'm willing to bet that most of our parents didn't) yet they had to raise you and your siblings to become successes in society. Let's not go too hard on them, yeah ? Once you have developed this compassion for them, try to forgive them (they're humans too), and let this knowledge and understanding impart strength to you - you have been through a great challenge, and come out of it better informed than the average person. I think this experience has made you a better person.

4 - Having processed the past, let go of it, because we will remain dead as long as we remember it - This is why we must make sure to confront and process the past first. Let it not be pending any longer. Resolve the past, and understand that we weren't dealt the perfect cards, but very few are, and that's ok. We've all come out better informed and better ready to tackle life's challenges than the average Joe. We can then begin to live our lives, and live better, in the present tense. You can use your gained knowledge and skills, compassion for example, in your daily lives. The past then becomes merely something we have gone through and learned from. Reliving it everyday is not going to help us - the clock keeps ticking. If you're 30 yrs old now, you'll be 30 yrs and 1 day old tomorrow, guaranteed.

This is how I see it, anyhow. Sorry if I pissed people off.