Hi PiscesRising, welcome to PC!!!
I'm really sorry you're finding things so hard
And I can definitely see how talking to your friend isn't an option!!! But you know and I/we know that being emotional definitely doesn't make you into a "pansy"!!! And depression is more than being emotional anyway, right??!!
It sounds like you've got a lot going on for you right now, and I can completely understand how things can just pile up on top of you. But I'm just wondering if it might help just a little to break down all the issues going on for you one by one/try to deal with them one at a time??
Then at least if you could come up with some practical action for some things it might take the "strain" off a little to focus more on other things e.g.............for the police department, well bottom line if you haven't got the money you haven't got it, so surely they/someone would be happier drawing up a payment plan with you than them potentially getting nothing and if you haven't got as much money for Christmas, well more to it than money, right??...........for the stress at work, maybe there are some practical things you could have coworkers help you with, make time for more breaks, put some different systems in place...........??? But don't go "beating yourself up" if you're struggling at work/with orders, hey?? You can only do so much, and depression can pull that so far down........it's not your fault!! And if you need support............well the main thing is you/the way you're feeling/working through things.
But when you can, apart from everything else, try to make time for yourself, try to do things for you??? Bit of self care, hey??
And absolutely talk about/share/let out things/the way you're feeling. You're absolutely not going to be stressing us out at all, OK??!! You're hurting/you're depressed.......it matters!!!!
There are plenty of really understanding and supportive people on here and we're here for you!!!
Again..................welcome!!!

Alison