I get that way when I want to numb myself.

Ten years ago when it was a daily, weekly, monthly thing for me to od on sleeping pills I had no idea why I was doing it and tbh, I didn't care. I never took the whole bottle but I took a crap load. I actually forgot about that time in my life, or blocked it out mostly. I was just reading an old journal last night and I was thinking, "wow. I was lucky nothing really bad happened to me or anyone else." I used to drive around, od, drink beer, SI, and wake up wondering what I did the night before. :-(

I'd like to say that I am past all that but recently I had a "crisis" in my life and I went back to ALL of my bpd behaviors. I mean all of them... anyway. I think it might be to numb yourself. For me, sleeping hours on end was the closest thing I could get to death.