I was feeling in session today that it is really sadistic to have a relationship where someone is nice and caring to you, who listens to you but they are out of bounds and unreachable. It is not a mutual relationship. I will never know my t as a person. I understand the reason for and use of the structure, boundaries, etc. for therapy to happen but I whole thing just feels like a cruel game to me right now. I feel like a failure for not being able to exist in said relationship. I told my t that today.