Thanks Justugh, you are a kind soul trying to help

Yeah Im thinking I need fun today - but I dont know what to do that is fun! My downtime is chilling online and watching good tv series, but my internet is dead slow today (bringing on frustration) and I havent got any new shows to watch.

You are right that I am able to leave at anytime that I see my grandmother, this is part of my cbt stuff - knowing I am in control, I can leave, my boyfriend would not let them lock me up again, I am med compliant and living independently, and so far there is no threat of harm to myself (just thoughts, and they could be stress-related OCD).

Im just really hoping this doesnt trigger depression for me. Thats the other thing I need to think about, is staying healthy as possible, my diet has been less than ideal lately (2 lots of takeaway in one week ) but I have been exercising and meditating almost daily.

Also the deadly snake in the feed shed has scared me too much to do many things outside which is a great way to keep depression at bay for me.