I'm sharing this tonight in an attempt to stop myself from harming myself, i dont know if it will work but here goes...

I was 7 when we first started going to the childminders, and I met her son, who is the same age as me. It didnt take long for it to start. He would chase me round the garden trying to kiss me. Now I know that you are thinkin thats just kids playing kiss chase, but it is what lead on from that. He would corner me behind the garage, so his mum couldnt see, and then touch me.

I should have screamed, i should have said something, but I didnt. And from there it got worse and worse(I cant write anymore, too triggering ). This happened for nearly 2 years, before we began to be looked after by my grandparents instead of the childminder.

I still see him now, he still lives opposite my parents, so it is an ordeal everytime I go to visit them, to see his house and more often than not, I see him too. I want the ground to open up and swallow me. I just want to die at times when I see him

I saw him again today. I hate him. But did he now any different? I told him I didnt want him to do the things he did to me, but he didnt stop. Even when another boy who was being looked after at the same place started joining in, I said nothing. How stupid was I? I never said anything, I should have said something, anything, but no, I didnt do a damn thing to stop it.

Is it because of this that I never said anything about what happened to me at university? Never stopped that either? I am just a stupid, pathetic, waste of space that deserves to be hurt, deserves the pain.