I can deal with happy drunks in a bar, but angry, pouty, secretive drunk is something else. He is not capable of violence at this point, too old, but he was violent before. My BF says he doesn't want to visit them but that he has to due to 'filial piety.' He only feels this towards his mother. If it were just his father left, he would cease contact.

Guilloche, you have a good point that it's kind of ridiculous we can't even talk about it. We haven't spoken at all since I brought this up at dinner. He gets obviously short-tempered with me when I bring up not wanting to go, but insists he is not angry. If I'm being fair, I don't tend to bring things up in a great way. I let resentments build up until they all come out at once and have the really obnoxious habit of connecting fights we had six months ago to whatever we're fighting about today.

The time I didn't go, he backed into my car and put a hole through my bumper. I didn't notice for a few weeks, and when I did, it took him a day to confess -- after I mentioned that I planned on asking a store to pull security footage. I don't think he did it on purpose, exactly, but I do think it was related. He gets really mad when I suggest this. I tend to come to the worse conclusion possible given the circumstances, so who knows.

No hotel room without BF - he's driving. I can't call the cops on the father because he drinks in secret and hides it very well. I can't tell if his weird behaviors are related to being drunk or being in withdrawal.