Wolf, of course they are not entirely responsible for the hurt. And my father is just a factor of many factors that made me so defective individual. Its me who entirely responsible for the whole thing. I realized that i hate myself much stronger than i hate ex-friend. Every damn morning i wake up and remember one of million times when i behave like stupid imbecil when we were together. Its like i had lobotomy at the moment. While i remembering, i scream and yell to express all that anger towards me. Every damn morning! If only it would be possible to erase memory. Its killing me. Is here somebody who had similar experience of getting stuck in the series of awful memories?
Also, i could not find the book in local shops. Can you offer something else?