So then why dont you just have xmas eve lunch as planned with your mother, then have xmas eve night and xmas morning with your son?

I also dont feel comfortable around my family. For similar reasons as you state. When the power was all in THEIR hands, they would not budge an inch, no matter how badly we felt. Now the power is in our hands - we are old and we can do whatever we want if they feel uncomfortable, that's their problem.