I've recently started dating a woman (2 months now) who is recently divorced. She and her ex were together for 16 years (her high school sweetheart), of which they were married for 2, and the relationship ended because of years' worth of intimacy issues (no sex for the last 7 years or so because of lack of desire from his side - I know, I had the same reaction you're probably having right now). They officially decided to split about a year ago and she has been living on her own for this past year now. She has also been seeing a therapist for about 5 years now to try to deal with her own anxiety issues, the issues from her previous relationship, feelings of rejection, finding herself again, etc. She is really a very mature, very beautiful woman, on all levels - a very rare find. They never had any children because, apart from no sex for 7 years, she didn't want him as a father to her children.

She and I have been seeing each other on an almost daily basis over the past 2 months. The physical aspect of our relationship is incredible (she says she's never experienced anything as mind-blowing before). The emotional aspect is far deeper and richer than anything I've ever experienced. She gets along well with my friends and family and I get along well with hers. So, she's really something special to me. I most certainly don't take this relationship lightly. In fact, I've been on many, many dates in this past year and generally don't bother seeing someone for more than a dinner if she isn't really something special.

My own background: my father's an alcoholic and my mother is most certainly codependent and emotionally manipulative, and so I only recently, about a year and a half ago, became aware of my own pattern of being drawn into emotionally abusive relationships when it turned out that my ex (to whom I was engaged) was actually a narcissist. She was diagnosed by a clinical psychologist during our relationship, whom we saw to help isolate why we were encountering so many problems. Being with her almost resulted in complete loss of my own identity, and, of course, much emotional abuse and manipulation. My current girlfriend knows this history of mine in full detail.

After having committed to going through the process of psychotherapy this past year, rebuilding a sense of self, I've come to a much healthier place within myself, but still suffer from an underlying anxiety/fear of getting hurt. Sometimes I find it rather crippling, in that when something triggers it I can't even concentrate at work for several hours at a time.

One particular thing that has been triggering this anxiety of mine this past while is the fact that my current girlfriend, as described above, shares two dogs with her ex and still goes to see them every now and then. They apparently made a pact together that they would both take care of the dogs even after they split. He keeps the dogs and she goes to visit them occasionally (perhaps once every 2 or 3 weeks). Of course, she naturally has to see her ex and will most likely have to interact with him for as long as the dogs are still around (which could be a decade, since they're relatively young).

I've really been struggling to deal with this. I raised it once with her (in the form of: "I feel anxious, and perhaps a little jealous, at the thought of having to share you with your ex still in any way"), and her response was what seemed to be disappointment at the time. She told me that she hasn't given me any reason to mistrust her like that. I, of course, admit that I have trust issues, with which I'm trying really hard to deal. I felt guilty for bringing this up, and feel guilty and even more anxious at the thought of bringing this up again. What makes this worse is that, she's been doing some writing trying to describe the process she's been through this past year or so (she writes very well) in getting back into dating, and she wanted me to read some of it, where she mentions how at some point (prior to us being together, but still after splitting up with her ex) she and her ex were talking and they found themselves sharing a lot of what was going on in their lives at the time, and she reprimanded herself in her writing for doing that (implying to me that it's an unconscious thing that she would slip into if she isn't

I'd really appreciate a little advice, perhaps some different perspectives, on how to approach this? I'm worried that she's going to fall into old patterns around this guy (whom I don't know at all), and I'm really not comfortable sharing her with anyone in that way, even on an emotional level. I don't want to have to end things here, because the vast majority of this relationship is amazing and has actually facilitated a lot of healing for me, but I most certainly cannot tolerate cheating, even on an emotional level. I know myself well now, after a good two decades' introspection, and I know I have a delicate constitution when it comes to trust. I'm working at it, but I know I'm fragile at this point.